Sunday 22 July 2012

Mutual submission in sex

As a result of looking thru some links for yesterday's post I wanted to address the meaning of mutual submission in sex. In his letter to the Corinthians Paul writes,
Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. (1 Corinthians 7:1-6)
What this passage is saying is that Men have to give conjugal rights, ie. sex to their wives, and wives have to give it to their husbands. This addresses the fact and duty of sex, not the method. One usually has authority over his or her own body but Paul is saying that within marriage when it comes to sexual relations it is not the person who has rights over his or her own body but rather the spouse.

The context show that the issue relates to timing, that is the fact of having sex regularly, not the way sex is performed, or how the husband approaches his wife, or vice versa, or how she responds to him sexually. For that one may get some tips from Canticles.

Paul goes on to say that withholding sex from each other can only be done thru mutual agreement. If for the sake of prayer both husband and wife wish to refrain for a time then that is permissible. But both must agree. And the duration must be fixed and brief.

Of course both husband and wife can gain pleasure in sex, and both will likely gain children. But the method of sexual intimacy, the pleasure obtained, the desire for and response to having children need not be identical for the man and the woman. Mutuality in this passage does not speak to these questions.

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